Lords Cricket

Betrayed by Own Teammate

Sunday February 9^th | Allenby Gardens Reserve
Bradman1948 (3/150) def Waugh2000 (5/149) by 7 wickets
Scoresheet

I hear you, pedants. Yes, it’s hard to be betrayed by a member of the other team. Add that headline to the great mountain of cruelties and injustices that the game of cricket serves up.

Here’s a batsman on song, seeing it like a proverbial, heading for a milestone and personal highest score only to be ROBBED OF IT ALL by the brain fade of a team-mate in the heat of the moment. One run. One – solitary – run – was all he needed and it was SNATCHED AWAY FROM HIM. But more about that later.

On another lovely mild Lords Cricket afternoon Waugh2000 won the toss and once again recklessly decided to bat. In Lords Cricket, when you win the toss, nine times out of ten you think about how in test cricket when you win the toss, nine times out of ten, you bat, and the other one time out of ten, well, by this time you’re confused and you just bowl. But they didn’t.

Matt Hutchinson opened the batting and was still there 25 overs later, amassing a personal best score of 79*. His teammates all hit double figures, a rare feat in Lords Cricket where only about 20% of players do.

The bowlers were tidy if unspectacular, and limited Waugh2000 to 149 off their allotted overs – perhaps below par but not undefendable.

Especially when Bradman1948 lost opener D.Lang on the second ball of their innings. If you’re going to make a duck, don’t let it be golden, but hey, protect your batting strike rate. Then Wiskich strode to the crease, and we come to the point of the story.

He quickly amassed 27 runs, the very amount of his personal highest score (when, as it happens, he was brutally run out by a batting partner on his way to a century). One solitary more run was all he needed to make the milestone. But then A.Turner (A.I.Turner to protect the innocent Ali) skied a ball straight up, and assuming he’d be caught, ran unthinkingly down the pitch.

They say the when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, an aphorism that turned out to be at least 50% true. For even the coronavirus has never been caught at Lords Cricket.* Unable to process the fact that his innings was alive, he called Wiskich through for an impossible run. It’s a credit to Peter that he made it 51% of the way … just enough to be closest to the stumps that were broken. And no fault of his own. That really puts the ‘out’ in outrageous.

So the fact that something similar happened late in the game, leaving Turner stranded on 99* – well, that’s more justice than injustice. With scores level, and Turner off-strike, Waugh2000 toyed with bowling a deliberate wide – twice, each generously unconceded by their captain Hutchinson. (None of us know just how illegal that is; Hutchinson’s generosity only increases with the potential illegality of the guesture.) But then D.Lang stroked the ball to cover and called Turner through for an all-too-possible single. There’s a mountain of cruelties, as mentioned, in this game; but some of them balance each other out.

And so goes the 20^th summer of Lords Cricket, with the usual share of fun, soreness, hilarity, controversy, soreness, and repetition. See you next summer!

*At time of writing

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Sub Stars in First Game of 20s

5th January 2020 at Langman Reserve
Bradman1948 (4/118) def Waugh2000 (7/117) by 6 wickets
Scoresheet

The first game of the 2020s was a mild one played in perfect mild conditions. It featured four Lords Cricket debutants, but most remarkable of all was the starring role of the one who “didn’t play”. Unable to commit to the whole match, Eric love came out to sub-field for the first innings and took no less than five catches as Waugh2000 stuggled to 7/117. Josh Brenkly made a fine 29 and the pick of the bowlers was debutant Justin Hames (3/18 off 6 overs).

In reply Hames also starred with the bat, putting together an unbeaten 54 off 43 alongside opener A.Turner (30* off 39) as Bradman2000 was untroubled in the chase. Wiskich took 2/30 off his 5 overs and Thornley was very economical, conceding just 7 off his three overs.

***The stats software is on the blink so stats are yet to be updated – tjanl you nerds for your patience and any tech support.

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Pride Comes Before Domino’s Fall

November 24th 2019 at Allenby Gardens Reserve, D/N
Bradman1948 (8/172) def Waugh2000 (5/171) by 2 wickets
Scoresheet

Another “pizza game” – and for those who have joined us recently, our “day/night” games featuring pizza dinners have never been won by the team bowling post-pizza.

And yet – in the mind of Waugh2000 captain Cam Hawke at least – records are made to be broken. Having won the toss, they chose to chase. Was it a quest to make history? Was it supreme confidence in their strong side, and, er, comparably strong side? Or was it just that inexorable pull of the old back-yard cricketer, to see-bat-must-bat? It’s a primal instinct, dating back to cave cricket: “Me bat.” Send an exploration party to seek lost tribes deep in the dense jungle of middle England, and you’ll hear the same: “Me bat.”

And so, with apologies for turning this one-liner into a two-paragrapher, Waugh2000 ended up being a victim of, er, mebatolism.

But who would’ve thunk it? They got off to a flyer with their top order of Lang (60 off 62), Cam Hawke (29 off 18 and 32 off 23) and Thornley (31 and 10 not out) slashing their way to 5/171 off their 25 overs. That they did that despite Wiskich’s incredibly tidy 2/12 off his 6 overs, leaves all the other overs to the reader’s imagination. Let’s say no more.

They even managed to get Bradman to bowl a few post-pizza overs, given that it was delivered a little early.

In defiance of much history, then then sliced their way steadily through the Bradman1948 team to reduce them to 7/77 and then 8/94 – thanks to a great spell by Mitchell Hawke (4/50) snaring 4 top-order wickets. Panic set in … among the Waugh team mainly … that he might even get a Fiverfer and be insufferable on the drive back up the freeway.

But as darkness set in so did the inevitable mebatolism effect. M.Hutchinson (38* off 39) and A.Turner (51* off 37) put on a new record partnership for the 9th wicket, and overhauled the target with five balls to spare. Young players, captains-to-be, beware! Never get involved in a land war in Asia. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and never bowl after pizza.

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